We all go through times of weight gain and loss. If this were a year ago, I wouldn’t have wrote this post; my self-love and my self-assurance levels were extremely low. It was completely unrelated to my weight gain, more so just past demons that prohibited me to love myself. Now, after a year of mental cleansing, I’m not ashamed to show you my body in all it’s different stages. Why? Because my goal here is to help you. I’ve learned a lot about practical body composition & self-love, and now that I’m in a good place, I want to share with you my journey and help you get there as well! And by ‘there’, I don’t necessarily mean your super lean bomb body goals, but instead a healthy mental state of mind that allows you to love and embrace your body no matter what stage it is in.
Before I begin, I cannot pack in everything fitness, food, and progress-related into one post. So this post will briefly introduce my body journey and tackle why numbers should not be taken as seriously as you think.
In the last 14 months, I’ve been anywhere between 111-123lbs. 123 (shown on left in photo above), 118 (shown in middle), 115 (shown on right). Now I currently stand back at 112-113 (shown later in this post). Within those weights, my starting 111lb weight included strict clean eating and a lot of lean muscle mass. Now, while I’m back at 112/113lb, I have lost a lot of that muscle and I haven’t been as strict with eating clean, therefore my 112 then and my 112 now look different (shown below). This is proof that no matter at what weight, you cannot take your numbers too seriously. Gage by how you look, feel, and fit into clothes. Your eyeballs and clothes are a much better indicator than the scale.There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those numbers. It’s what you are most comfortable and happy with. We all carry weight differently. I have no boobs and zero butt, therefore 112 on me will not look the same on someone who is blessed with lady lumps. Take this ONLY for what it is – do NOT compare my number with yours, especially if we’re not the same height. And although I currently sit at 112, I’d like to get more muscle tone back which would then put me at 115. BUT I’d only look 113 at most. So again, never take your numbers seriously.
Don’t feel you need to be thin to feel good. Feeling good and feeling thin are two completely different feelings. I’ve felt thin before but didn’t feel good, and I’ve also felt good but didn’t feel thin. It’s a mental game and it all comes with knowing and accepting your body composition. However, this does NOT mean you shouldn’t strive to be in the best shape you can – you should always strive to be healthy and in-shape. All I’m saying is you don’t need to feel the need to be skinny. Strive for what’s healthy and most importantly, what’s attainable. By this I mean, if you know it’s not in your genes to have a 6 pack or nice abs, accept it. That’s 100% the case for me, my stomach will never be super ripped and lean no matter how many ab exercises or sprints I do. My mom, even at her thinnest (85lbs) still had a lower belly pooch – thus, also the case for me. But am I going to be depressed over it? Of course not. Personally, I’d rather feel good than feel unhealthingly (not a word) thin without energy. Feeling thin without mentally feeling good will only make you sink deeper into your body conscious hole.
Me at my heaviest early 2017
Now, although I had gained 11 pounds (which is a lot on a short gal), I was always content. I was never depressed or upset with myself, even at my heaviest. How? Well, I was aware I wasn’t in my best shape but I also knew that with some discipline, I could get my weight back down in a couples months, no biggie. That’s one thing you have to remind yourself – weight gain is NEVER permanent, therefore, DON’T KICK YOURSELF IN THE BUTT ABOUT IT. Weight gain does not negatively reflect who you are and does not make you any less of a person. EVERYONE gains weight. Even those girls who look always look “bomb”.. they gain weight too, they’re just better at hiding it. Good angles can seriously take 5-10lbs off you. I know that from being a former fitness gym junkie and seeing all my friends who competed in fitness competitions pose and twist their bodies to make their waist appear 5″.
Here’s an example of what lighting and different angles or poses can do for your body. These photos were taken only one day apart. My stomach looks lean in the first photo but that was taken yesterday while the bottom two were taken this morning. My weight is obviously the same. But I’m just trying to show you that lighting and posing can make all the difference too. I promise you those girls probably spend 20 minutes posing trying to find the best light and angle while sucking it in just to get that ‘perfect’ instagram photo.
My key take-aways:
1. Weight gain is temporary: If you were one weight before, then gained a ton, you clearly can get back down to it. You were already that weight once, there’s no reason why you can’t be that again!
2. Don’t compare yourself to other girls: It’s hard not to, I know.. but trust me, there’s so much that goes into numbers – height, where you hold your weight, boobs or lack of, amount of muscle mass, etc. The only person you need to compare yourself to is YOU. When you begin losing or gaining weight, compare yourself to you body when it was ‘goals’ and let that be your motivating factor. If you’ve never had a goal body, find someone who is goals BUT who also has similar body composition to you – that is KEY. Comparing yourself to girls who are 5’9″ and are lean af with a natural perky juicy butt is honestly a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. I did it for two years and I got absolutely nowhere. As soon as I started making personal goals based on my own body and unfollowed all of those ‘fitness models’, I got where I wanted to be SO much faster.
3. Accept your body: I will never ever have a lean tight stomach, I will never have a meaty bubble butt, I will always have more armpit fat. And I’m so chill with it. When you accept your body, you will begin to love it so much more. You just need to acknowledge the facts and be real with what your body is and isn’t capable of. Most of us are never going to be bikini models, so don’t keep looking at photos of them wishing you were them! Again, you’re only wasting your time and taking away from making your body the best it can be!