I really hope you girls loved last week’s Episode of Encouraging Words of Peace and Perseverance! This week, in addition to sharing the devotionals, I will also share how they’ve been directly tying in to my own life. We’re about to get REAL TRANSPARENT AGAIN Y’ALL. I truly hope that my struggles help give you some encouragement!
This week’s posts covers: GIVE UP THE ILLUSION and SAVE YOUR BEST STRIVING FOR SEEKING MY FACE
GIVE UP THE ILLUSIONS – that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is false hope! In this world, you will have trouble. Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven (or the afterlife). Glorify Me and be appreciative in the midst of adverse circumstances. I am much less interested in the right circumstances than in your right responses to whatever comes your way.
One specifically for my Girlfriends in God:
SAVE YOUR BEST STRIVING FOR SEEKING MY FACE – I am constantly communicating with you. To find Me and hear My voice, you must seek Me above all else. Anything that you desire more than Me becomes an idol. When you are determined to get your own way, you blot Me out of our consciousness. Instead of single-mindedly pursing some goal, talk with Me about it. Let the Light of my Presence shine on this pursuit so that you can see it from My perspective. If the goal fits into My plans for you, I will help you reach it. If it is contrary to My will for you, I will gradually change the desire of your heart. Seek Me first an foremost; then the rest of your life will fall into place, piece by piece.
Alright, transparency setting: ON. These two devotions really hit home for Tyler and I. Tyler was in midst of the hiring process for San Diego Police Department the last 10 months. We were pretty much led to think we had it in the bag, not only from his success in easily passing all his required tests, but also from other individuals involved in the hiring process, officers whom currently work for SDPD, and current officers serving in other departments as well.
Long story boring, we encountered massive HUGE hurdles nearing the end of the process that we did not think we’d be able to get through; but with God’s grace, we were VERY lucky, VERY fortunate, and got through them. In just those two hurdles, we thought.. “Wow, there is absolutely no way Ty won’t get into the academy with God having pulled through for him THIS much.” Well, 4 days before the deadline, Tyler received note that he did not pass his psych re-take and therefore SDPD and San Diego in general was completely out of the question. Tyler was absolutely devastated – I’d never seen him want anything more in my entire time of knowing him. SD was his heart and soul and for many years and Ty was dead set on moving and raising a family there. Ending up there quickly became a passion and dream for me too – and that’s exactly it.. although it was OUR desire, it wasn’t God’s. It took a couple weeks for him to become emotionally stable about the situation but he told me one morning, “Now that SD is out of the question, it’s weird.. my desire and urge to live there suddenly vanished.” Well, upon reading the devotion I typed above, “If the goal fits into My plans for you, I will help you reach it. If it is contrary to My will for you, I will gradually change the desire of your heart“, it all came full circle for us. It was not in God’s will for us and therefore there was no reason to grow weary nor discouraged. God. Does. Not. Make. Mistakes. This whole process was a huge learning experience in so many ways for the both of us, and although it wasn’t the outcome we hoped for, Ty and my relationship was incredibly strengthened as we both learned so much about each other that we hadn’t yet known nor experienced – Hmm.. just in time before the wedding? Coincidence? I think not!
After we became emotionally stable about the situation, another issue occurred to us.. our wedding date and much of our plans totally revolved around the idea of him getting into the March academy. It was not like that when Ty first started the hiring process. It was only until majority of the process was over and we were a month out from the deadline did we really begin to mentally process that we we’re going to be San Diegans soon and began looking for apartments down there.
Yes, we might have put all of our eggs in one basket prematurely but at the same time, if you guys walked this journey with us, you would’ve thought it was a no-brainer that we were SD bound come May. So now, we’re (kind of) stuck. I’m now suddenly applying to all sorts of jobs right now as most of you know I’ve been unemployed for over a year now (and no lucky yet really..) and he’s exploring police and other options up here. I guess LA/OC wasn’t somewhere we saw ourselves living or raising a family. It also puts us in a stress bubble because we definitely didn’t want to be that couple to begin our marriage POSSIBLY living with my parents due to the lack of finances to afford a place of our own right away. Like, legit you guys, that’s embarrassing 🙁 Everyone else we know getting married around the same time as us or right after us all are financially sound and are already looking for homes to move into. *Sigh*. But too, my heroic-Jess comes into play and always reminds myself that I really shouldn’t care what people think, and that regardless of what happens, it’s okay.. it’s our journey and I wouldn’t have it any other way as each is to their own.
We are still a few months out from the wedding so really, anything can happen within those months… but right now, we’re just still nervous. However, one of my girlfriends Karen helped put everything into perspective – things could be A LOT worse. I’m still getting the wedding of my dreams and so blessed to have my parents onboard with all my plans, I’d still have a place to live (if we can’t afford our own place yet) without our in-laws making any fuss or paying any mind to it, I’m still at liberty to do what I am career wise and am able to browse around for potential work here without the nerves of having to adapt to an entirely new and unfamiliar city, and no matter what, even if we were to struggle, we have family on both sides that would be willing to do anything to help us! In essence, we were blessed AF and she was completely right. I realized I just wasn’t seeking God enough and letting him put my nerves to rest. I was trying to do it from the flesh, on my own will. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not an anti-problem junkie; I’m actually the opposite. I don’t mind hurdles or bumps along my journey. I love growth and love learning. However, both Tyler and I had simply been lacking sight in God’s light. We weren’t casting our worries as much as we should have to Him.
Regardless of what happens, we know it’s God’s plan and doing. Everything is in his hands and there is always a purpose for unfulfilled plans. God doesn’t make mistakes and we must be appreciative of our adversities. Everything will fall into place piece by piece and we’re definitely not as worried anymore! PLUS, this potentially means that Tyler will have hair for the wedding (!!!!!!!! Praise the LORD!).