I received a lot of feedback after I posting this topic to my Instagram story. So I’ve decided to expand on it.
The original Instagram story read:
You’ll get to a point in life where, in order to get to where you want to be, you’ll have to disappear for an undetermined amount of time. You won’t see your friends or family as frequently, or do the things you used to do as often. You may or may not get crap from people about it, but don’t let this bring you down.
You’re living your life for you. Nobody else. So do what you need to do because if you continue to compromise by attending to everyone else’s needs, you are only prolonging your own journey.
True friends (and your family should too) will understand and let you be. In the end, they should always want what’s best for you. If they aren’t supportive, give you crap, talk behind your back, or you see the relationship crumbling, chances are they weren’t really rooting for you from the very beginning. They’re putting themselves first and before you in a situation that really doesn’t have much to do with their own life/decisions/future goals. They are more worried about how it is affecting them when in reality, your hustle has nothing to do with them – only everything to do with you.
So disappear if you need to. Those around you who have the same hustle mindset will understand.
Now, this isn’t something that has necessarily happened to me (maybe here & there, and only to an extent), but it’s a reoccurring issue I’ve seen in many others’ lives who have expressed these feelings to me. Perhaps because during my latter college years when I declared two minors and had to cram loads of internships in for grad school, then jumping right into grad school immediately after, I was always on this hustle and grind mindset, and therefore, as people began to take notice of it, they started coming to me asking how I balanced everything (life, work, school, and friends).
Again, this is subjective to my opinion and experience as I understand that every situation and scenario is each to their own.
I’ve always had a good sense self-discipline and hard work. It was from my parents being strict with me (in school, sports, & extra curricular activities) growing up, which of course sucked at the time, but now I’m insanely grateful for; but more importantly, I’ve always had a solid support system around me, and that’s exactly where it starts. I slowly began to shed people (or fluff as I call it) in my life who I could no longer relate to during my early 20’s. I wanted to keep around me those who were like-minded and those whose values and morals aligned with mine. In essence, quality over quantity. Of course it wasn’t easy and it’s a process that takes time, but it was necessary.
Where I was headed in my own growth, it just wasn’t worth having to worry about high maintenance friends who only cared about themselves. I was over all the petty drama and added-on stress that came with keeping certain people in my life – so I made the conscious decision to cut them. It was the only way I could grow into the person I wanted to become. I often tell people, just because you’ve been friends with someone for many years doesn’t necessarily mean you’re obligated to remain friends and make the drama/issues work if you guys are clearly growing in two different people. That’s one of the most exhausting things you can do to yourself – always altering yourself to fit their standards and mindset. It just feels as if you’re pulling teeth at that point because there’s nothing worse than trying to make someone understand something their mind will never grasp. Sometimes, it’s just better for both parties to part ways – it actually might benefit the both of you, not just you. It’s no one person’s fault either – it’s just the nature of growth and being shaped from one’s own personal experiences, beliefs, and values.
I always refer to our early & mid 20’s as your selfish years. These are our ‘prep’ years. The years that guide us to who we want to become, what we do, and the mindset we have for the rest of our lives. I don’t mean selfish as in treating your friends like sh*t, putting yourself first in petty situations, or disappearing to the point where you have cut everyone off, I’m talking in terms of how it’s 100% okay to not go out every weekend, it’s 100% okay not to want to spend money on a trip because you want to spend that money on something else that’s more important to you, it’s 100% okay to choose to work extra hours to increase your chances of that job promotion you’ve been wanting. IT’S 100% OKAY if it’s going to take you to that the level you’re trying to reach. Always and of course keep them up to speed on things, let them know that you’re busy instead of just dropping off the face of the planet, but if they’re still not understanding of it and grieving you on a consistent basis, then either there is a deeper issue at hand that you’ll all have to hash out on your own time, or it might just be one of those relationships that you’ll have to reevaluate.
In another Boss Babe Tip, I mentioned that you are/become the 5 people who are closest to you (includes both friends and family members, not just friends). I’ll expand on this in my next Boss Babe post this week. These 5 people affect your socioeconomic status, your mental well-being, your thought process, your maturity level, your morals and values, your grind (or lack thereof), literally everything. I know the term ‘closest’ can be interpreted in many ways so by that I mean, those who you talk to on a daily/hourly basis, the people you can’t live without, the people that you share good/bad news with as SOON as it happens, the first ones you call when you’re in trouble – that is a close friend. I don’t think I need to expand anymore on this topic – either your gears are churning and you’re mentally evaluating your ‘closest’ friends or you can wait for Wednesday’s post!
Anyway, back to disappearing, like I said, these are your ‘paving’ years as I like to call it. So pave the way for your success and your future. Pave the way so that getting to where you want benefits and makes life easier for you. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Your true friends will always stick around and be there (and cheer you on as they should) – and when you do finally meet up, it’ll be as though you’re picking right up where you left off. I feel like that in itself (being able to pick right back up) shows maturity on both sides. If, however, it is awkward, conversation is forced, and you find yourself not really having much to talk about, that’s could be a small example of friends growing apart – and that’s perfectly fine. It happens; it happens to everyone.
The bottom line is, your future is important. It’s your FUTURE; it’s the rest of your life. Those who want to be a part of it will respect and understand your grind without question. After all, wouldn’t you want/do the same for your friend or family member if they were the ones who disappeared?