A Young Couple’s Guide to Living at Home with the Parents!
Living with your parents when you’re an adult is often frowned upon. However, author Dylan Love told the Business Insider that it can be something positive and enjoyable. If you don’t already know Tyler and my living situation (read here), we live in the back unit of my parents house. It’s a completely separate space apart from the home with its own doorbell and entrance but still on the property of my parents home. Given our current circumstances, it was the best choice to go with. Not only are we saving tons of money and living in a space we love with the recent remodel, but I’ve just never so happy. I was never close to my parents up until maybe a year ago and marriage + the merging of both families has restored the sense of family in my life. Living in such close quarters has become a blessing for not only our family and but the extended families as well.
So don’t be afraid or ashamed even if other friends or even your friends’ parents try to make you feel inadequate about your decision. This is your life with your new spouse and you both should care less about the things they have to say about our choices. The Business Insider article talks about how it can be a very practical move, especially as you can regain a better hold of your finances. So, if you’re worried about not getting along with your parents, here are a few things you can do to make the transition as smooth as possible:
1. Contribute to bills & household expenses: Perhaps you and your man/woman need to sort out your finances first before you can afford your own home, or maybe you need to get out of debt and start again. Regardless of your reasons, you need to make sure that when you move back in with your parents, you help pay your share of expenses. Bustle recommends that you contribute to the household chores without being told. It is important to treat their home as you would your own, and not as a hotel. Maybe make some time for doing the grocery shopping too! However, if they don’t ask anything of you, even better, you just hit the jackpot!
2. Spare a minute or two for quality time: Bond with your parents while you’re in their home. Honestly, My mom and I were never close but after the wedding, we have never been closer. While this setting is only temporary, appreciate it for what it’s worth and make the most out of it. Make sure you make an effort to eat meals with them or join them for movie nights. You can also make them feel involved by telling them how your day went or by updating them on your plans. And ask your parents for advice… they have a wealth of experience. This would be especially true if you moved back home to pay off debt and save some money—loop them in your progress.
3. Create (and follow) boundaries: Ask your parents how you can stay in their home without them feeling that you’ve invaded their space (and vice versa because even though you’re under their roof, you’re also married now and they have to refrain from treating you like a child). Ask for feedback and be ready for criticism. But yes, set your own boundaries, too, without alienating them (hint: try not to act like honeymooners around the house). Cosmopolitan’s survival guide to living with your parents states that it’s important to have a mature conversation with them, as open and constant communication is key.
4. Plan to leave: Always stay at your parents’ home with the intention of leaving. We plan to stay ‘at home’ for 2.5 or so more years. We hate moving (with a passion) so the next home we move into we want as our forever home. We don’t want to move out of here just to move into an apartment – our living situation now pretty much serves as “apartment” living. Not only will this reassure your parents, it will also make sure you don’t overstay and miss opportunities. If you are considering leaving home soon and finding a place of your own, Yoreevo recommends that you start looking six months in advance, especially when you are moving to a region where real estate is in high demand. This will give you three months to find a place and another three to close the deal. This is also enough time to get your affairs in order. In the last three months, you can treat your parents to weekly dinners and maybe even three months worth of chore-free weekends. This will show them how grateful you are that they let you stay for a while. In our article ‘8 Intangible Gifts That Give Back’, the gift of time and care are extremely meaningful and creative ways to express your appreciation.
So I totally hope this article has shown you that moving back in with your parents is nothing to worry about! Don’t be afraid as don’t be ashamed. Our generation is taking longer to move out, get married, etc. Still a good chunk of my friends +/- 5yrs live at home, married and unmarried. It can benefit your finances, your career, and your relationships. Make your life work for you, not the other way around and not for anyone else.